


An (Unfortunate) Night Out On The Town

by Taimae



Series: A Bird & a Lion [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 19:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12918759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taimae/pseuds/Taimae
Summary: Cullen just wanted a stress-free night off. So why is he babysitting a drunken Hawke?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A one-shot that I've had written a couple of months, but couldn't quite fit into my main Cullen X Hawke storyline. So I decided to make it it's own two-part short story. Enjoy!

Cullen never really understood why he ever agreed to joining some other Templars for a ‘night out’. _You’re always working, Captain,_ they would tell him. _Don’t you know how to have fun? It’s a great bonding between a captain and his men._ Perhaps an okay idea in concept, but not so much in application, in his opinion.

Their idea of bonding was not his speed at all. First of all, it was in Lowtown on one of the busiest nights of the week. Loud, with far too many people, and you always have to keep an eye on your coin pouch, less roaming hands pry it from you. Secondly, with the men who invited him out, there was far too much drinking, lots diffusing of bar fights and apologies, along with failed attempts of picking up women. All things he had very little interest in. There was a reason why a captain shouldn’t interact with his recruits outside of work hours. It just made things more stressful for him rather than relax him.

As soon as he heard mutterings of going to the Blooming Rose, he knew it was time for him to leave. He gave the rest of the templars a very poor excuse about having to head back to the barracks early, to which they protested a bit at first, but then were quickly distracted by another pair of swaying hips walking down the street.

Cullen made his way down the streets, trying to avoid the droves of drunken civilians and ignore the soliciting of suspicious men and women on the corners. He knew that he wasn’t from the city, but Kirkwall really was the shadiest place he’s ever been too. He really could understand Meredith’s desire to make the city better. Blood magic excluded, this place was a mess. Blood magic included, it was a disaster.

Suddenly, he felt someone bump into him from the side from one of the side streets. Someone trying to mug him. It would’ve been just his luck, considering how tonight was going. But instead, he found himself facing a very familiar looking young woman with violet eyes, looking very red in the cheeks with an unusually large grin plastered onto her face.

Maker’s Breath, of course it had to be Aerianne Hawke of all people.

“Well-well-well, if it isn’t Knight-Captain Cul- oh Maker, I’m going to be sick,” the young woman quickly turned around and stumbled a few steps past an irritated-looking Isabela before crouching and making a terrible hurling sound. Merrill quickly ran beside her. Cullen stood there, a little surprised at the display. A rather different look to the one Hawke he was used to interacting with.

“Is she… alright?” the knight-captain asked looking behind the pirate as Hawke lay on the stone street, muttering something about the Maker cursing her while Merrill patted her on the head.

“Oh she’ll be fine. You know how Ladies’ Nights can be,” Isabela said, waving her hand dismissively. “You gossip, you have a few drinks, you play a few tavern games, you dare someone to try Garbolg's Backcountry Reserve, and then someone is either passed-out on the floor or dancing on top of the bar, shouting nonsense. Hawke managed to be a bit of both. In some ways, I’m proud of my girl,”

Cullen had to admit, up until this point, he could never picture a completely unhinged, barely functioning, Hawke. Sure, he’d seen her with a pint or two, being a little chatty, but he could already tell she’d moved beyond that phase. It was entertaining in it’s own way.

“I trust you two are bringing her home then?”

“Trying to,” Merrill said in a hopeful tone. “It’s been a little… difficult,”

“She’s impossible,” Isabela complained. “I knew we’d have to take her home, but Sloshed-Hawke has been a pain in my side. She let’s her body go limp every now and then and it’s like carrying 10 bags of potatoes. Yet somehow, when she’s capable of walking, she goes the completely opposite direction, dashing off faster than a skiddish nug. This is why Aveline should’ve joined us. But no, she has ‘responsibilities’. What a load of nonsense,” she crossed her arms, looking back at the rogue. “Kitten, let’s just leave her here. We’ve been at this for hours. Hightown is too bloody far, even to drag her by her feet,”

“Isabela!” Merrill gasped as the proposition.

“She’ll be _fine._ Probably. Maybe. I have her coin pouch and valuables at least, so it’s not like she can get mugged,” 

“You’re not seriously going to leave her here in the middle of the street? In Lowtown?” Cullen said, giving Isabela another look.

“Well, Cullen, not all of us have broad shoulders and – oh, _very_ firm biceps,” the pirate quickly squeezed the templar’s arm, which caused his cheeks to go slightly red. It only made Isabela smirk more. “Aw, so adorable. I guess it is true what they say about you,”

“What do they- who even- nevermind, I don’t want to know,” he forgot that while Hawke might be a nuisance and butt heads with him, Isabela could be her own kind of problem. She enjoyed making others uncomfortable in a more… suggestive way. He hated it. Sort of. 

“You really shouldn’t leave Hawke out here. It’s dangerous,” he said, trying to focus on the task at hand.

The pirate shrugged, not seeming particularly concerned about it. Cullen could only assume that this really was more trouble than it seemed, or the friendship between them didn’t run that deep. Either way, he was a little surprised that this was the company that the upcoming noble decided to keep. Wasn’t she a part of Hightown society now?

“Listen, you’re a guardsman or something,”

“Templar,” he corrected.

“Right, whatever. You carry swords and boss people around. Same thing,” Isabela clearly had no interest in learning the very key differences between them. “Point is, if you’re so concerned about her safety, you could always escort her home yourself,”

“So you’re just going to pawn her off on me?” he crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“I didn’t say you _had_ to. I said _if_ you were concerned for her. You could just leave her. Out here, alone. Ripe for mages to kidnap her and use her for some blood magic ritual,” she let out a big of a dramatic sigh, shaking her head and looking over to Merrill again, who looked rather mortified at the very thought of it.

Cullen didn’t budge. “That’s exactly what you’re doing,”

“True, but I’m a pirate. That’s sort of what we do. You on the other hand, are a man with values. Probably. In all honesty, I don’t know you that well,” 

The young man looked at Isabela and then back at drunken woman, who managed to go back to a crouching position, but clearly making no effort to stand. Hawke really was in bad shape and he’s already seen far too many colourful characters this evening to assume she would be fine if left alone. Eventually, he just scratched the back of his head and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Just this once,” he said, walking over to Hawke and sliding a hand underneath her and carefully tossing her over his shoulder. There was a slight grunt from her, but thankfully nothing followed it. Isabela wasn’t kidding; she certainly was dead-weight when she drank, but nothing the knight-captain couldn’t handle.

“Aw, goodnight, Aerianne. Try not to heave all over the nice knight-captain,” Merrill said with one last pat on Hawke’s head.

“Knight-captain… more like… shite-captain,” Hawke muttered and then chuckled to herself, clearly thinking she was clever.

 “Charming,” he was already regretting this.

“Thank you, you sweet thing,” Isabela gave him a wink and blew him a kiss. “Let me know if you’re ever free for some fun. Seems like you could use it. Especially after tonight,”

Cullen face flushed again, but all he could do was say something about never being free and walk off as quickly as he could.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hawke blabbers about everything and anything.

“Here’s a question,”

“What is it this time, Hawke?”

The walk up to Hightown was easy enough, at first. But then she went from dead-weight Hawke back to excitable Hawke, and tried to scramble off his shoulders a few times, yelling about waking up Aveline and challenging Isabela to another drink-off. Whenever he’d tell her no, she’d of course, complain and come up with (utterly terrible) ways to try an distract him so she could wander off his shoulder. They all failed of course. Eventually, it seemed that she realized she was far weaker than Cullen, and just decided to talk his ear off, asking inane questions or rambling about some ridiculous topic or about, how amazing Fenris is. He could sort-of see why Isabela wanted to just leave her in Lowtown.

“Is your hair naturally curly or do you do something with it?”

“… It’s naturally curly,” 

“Peh. I knew it. Anders said you probably style it to be that way, but I knew your locks were natural,” she let out a bit of a drunken laugh and started to blabber about hair to which Cullen just shook his head with no response. The woman had paragraph of nonsense for every subject.

“By the way,” she said, lifting her head up slightly. “Have you been looking at by bottom this whole time?”

“What? Maker’s Breath, of course not!”

“I’m just asking. It _is_ right there,” 

And of course, as soon as she said that, now he couldn’t help but look. Why was she like this? He would turn her to face the other way, but he felt she would use that opportunity to scream in his ear.

“It is not right there- Look, I’m putting you down,” he said settling her down on her feet in front of him, only to have her sway and stumble into him, placing her hands on his chest.

“Wow,” she said, not moving her hands. “Andstraste’s knickers, you are _fit_ ,”

“Is this just a thing that women in Kirkwall do, or is it just the women in your company?” had they never felt muscles before? It was all quite embarrassing.

“You know who else is fit?”

“You’re probably gonna say Fenris-”

“Fenris,” she sighed dreamily, which gave Cullen some time to reposition the young woman so that she was leaning on his side, her arm over his shoulder. The elf was the only consistent and semi-coherent topic this whole evening. It was also the only time she could sort of get her distracted enough to follow him. Let her fantasize about her dream-boy enough that she wouldn’t realize that she was being brought home. He had to admit, he was a little surprised. The handful of times he met Fenris, he certainly seemed like an… unexpected match for Hawke. By no means a bad fellow. He could picture the elf with many other women, easily. Just not for someone as upbeat and chatty as her.  

“You seem quite taken by him,” he said, steadying her a bit more before walking again.

“Maybe I am. Taken by him and we’ve not even kissed yet,” she let out another dreamy sigh. Cullen was really seeing all sides of her tonight. The one good thing about this evening, he supposed. He always knew Hawke was idealistic, but being a hopeless romantic was a new one. It was entertaining in it’s own way.

“He’s clever, and handsome, and strong, and caring and just so…”

“Broody?” 

“Why does everyone say that?” she slurred her sentence a bit, sounding annoyed. “But yes, maybe a bit. But in an alluring way. Not like you. You’re just grumpy. One of the grumpiest men I’ve known in my life. Cullen Grumpleford is what you are,” she muttered a few other plays on his last name and giggled to herself, clearly thinking she was so clever. 

“You have such a way with words, Aerianne Hawke,” he said, rather flatly. “Really know how to compliment the man who is making sure you don’t die in a ditch tonight,”

“I did say you were fit, didn’t I?” she lifted her head from his shoulder, looking annoyed. “Besides, we all know you’re incapable of taking a compliment,”

“That’s- not true,”

“I’ll give an example. Cullen, you are insufferably annoying templar who is married to his work and doesn’t know how to have fun,”

“This is your idea of a compliment?”

“But you are honest. Sometimes you even show them compassion, and it’s a shame you don’t do that more. And meh… you’re not too shabby to look at. Actually, you’re very good to look at. I’m surprised you haven’t been scooped up by someone yet. Oh! I know just the girl for you-”

Cullen felt his throat tighten a bit. Right- he really shouldn’t be daring drunk Hawke to do anything. She would more than happily oblige.

“Alright, that’s enough,”

“See? Can’t take a compliment,” she went and laid her head back down on his shoulder. “I’d also like to say that you’re not great at giving them either, so,” she stuck out her tongue and gave made a farting noise.

Oh, it was going to be like this, was it? Cullen may get nervous around pretty girls, but this was Hawke. Well, okay, she was pretty but she was also incredibly annoying, which negated her attractiveness. Also, she was so incredibly drunk that she hopefully wouldn’t remember the details of this evening.

“Hawke, you are equally insufferable and you are incredibly unrealistic about the dangers of magic. Your antics are half the reason of my paperwork. And you stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. But…” he finally let out a sigh. “You have a big heart. I don’t know how you see the good in everything, but you do. I guess that’s not a bad thing,”  

Cullen could feel the young woman squeeze him with what little strength she had left. “Aw, I received a compliment from you! A _Cullpliment_. Ha! I did it again. What are you groaning for? That one was good! Oh Maker, I feel like I’m going to throw up again,” she quickly let go of him and stumbled towards one of the many bushes on the side of the road.

For once, Cullen couldn’t help but chuckle. This whole evening was ridiculous. The first time they’ve spoken to each other outside of work, and this was how it had to go. Why wouldn’t it? She was Aerieanne Hawke after all. Why would anything be normal with her?  

 

Eventually, she recovered again and the two found themselves in front of the Hawke estate and thankfully, it seemed that her mother was still awake when Cullen knocked on the door.

“Oh! Knight-captain Rutherford. This is quite the surprise,” Leandra said, looking rather surprised as she saw the templar and her daughter. “I hope everything is alright?”

 “Everything’s fine, madam. Just making sure your daughter got home safely,” he said with a polite nod. “She just had a little too much fun tonight. You may want to keep a bucket beside her bed,” 

The older woman let out a sigh of relief. “Well, I do hope Aerieanne didn’t give you too much trouble,”

Trying to run off, nearly throwing up on him, talking his ear off, copping a feel of his muscles, insulting him a few times…

“She was no trouble,” he finally said as Hawke left his side and (with some difficulty), turned to face him.

“I would give you a kiss on the cheek for your good deeds, knight-captain, but I am vaguely aware of the amount of times I threw up along the way,” Well, at least she was sobering up enough to distinguish some inappropriate behaviour.

Instead, she then firmly wrapped her hands around the templar, hugging him firmly. It was unexpected, but it wasn’t necessarily unwanted. Nonetheless, he couldn’t help but stiffen up a bit, not sure how to respond.

“Are you going to be okay? Heading back home so late? We do have a spare guest room,” Leandra asked as she guided her stumbling daughter back in the house.

“It’s fine. It won’t take me too long to get back down to the docks,” It would, but he not as long as him coming up all the way here with an inebriated rogue. Leandra’s hospitality was lovely, but he would just feel odd staying here the night, even if he had a valid explanation to give to Meredith.

Actually, nevermind. Telling Meredith or anyone else about spending the night solo with a mage supporter seemed like an ill-advised idea.

“Well, thank you again for bringing my daughter home safely,” she said with another smile. “And I hope you stay safe as well, knight-captain,”

“Thank you, Ms. Hawke. Sorry for keeping you up,”

 

* * *

 

 

Sleep had been cut short that night, but it wasn’t particularly unusual for him to a little sleep-deprived. Cullen still managed to get to work on time (in comparison to his men who were clearly still regretting the night before), and actually be productive. Drills, paperwork, dealing with disruptions in the circle. It was a usual day for him.

Later on, there was a soft knock on his office door, before it slowly opened.

 “Hawke,” he said, putting down his quill. “This is a surprise,” Normally it wouldn’t be, but considering that there were no new reports on mages coming through, and she had a rather _difficult_ night, he didn’t expect to see her for a least a few weeks.

“Knight-captain,” she said a little hoarsely. Although the rogue looked quite well dressed and done up, there were rather dark circles around her eyes, her skin had a slight tint of green to it. Certainly the face of a woman who would probably think twice about her choice of drink for the next several months.

“You look…”

“Don’t,” she hissed, closing the door behind her.

“…I was going to say alive,” he tried to hide the satisfied smile on his face. For once, the woman who complained about his serious attitude, was now in a more miserable mood than him. “I’m surprised that you’re not still in bed, puking into a bucket,”

“That is what I want to be doing, and that is what I intend to do after I’m done here,” she rubbed her temple and let out a deep sigh. 

“My mother wanted to thank you for bringing me home last night. She felt bad that you had to get all the way back to the barracks, so… here,” Aerianne rubbed the back of her neck, looking a little embarrassed as she pulled out a small container and placed it on his desk. It was a ceramic bowl, warm and giving off a delicious scent into the air. 

“Fereldan-style ram stew. I mentioned you were from Honnleath, so she thought that you might also be a little homesick,”

“You didn’t lace this with anything, did you?” he couldn’t help but ask. Anything that could put him in as miserable a condition as she currently was.

“I assure you, I was in no condition to plot against you this morning, as much as I considered it,”

Cullen had to admit, this was not what he had expected at all. He mostly helped her because deep down, as much as annoying and insufferable as she could be, he couldn’t just leave her there on the street. Even that seemed a little cruel. “Be sure to give your mother my appreciation, then,” Although barracks food wasn’t the worst, it certainly couldn’t compare to a proper home-cooked meal. Let alone by someone who actually lived in Fereldan.  

“I also… may need to apologize,” Aerieanne turned away, trying to hide the pink forming on her face. “I do remember a few things from last night. Specifically almost throwing-up on you, I might have accidentally hit you a few times from trying to crawl off your shoulders. And the umm, sort of groping of…”

“My chest?” he said, finishing her sentence. “Ah yes. I believe you called me _very_ fit,” It was incredibly embarrassing last night, but seeing Hawke looking even more uncomfortable about the situation now, it made him feel more confident. He had a code of ethics, but he was no priest. Maker’s Breath if he was going to be the better person about this. For once, he had something to throw back at her whenever she started getting a little too annoying. “As fit as… who was it now? Oh right, as fit as _Fenris_. You certainly had lots to say about him,”

The young woman let out a groan and covered her face. “Why did I have to bump into you of all people, last night?”

“Maybe don’t try to outdrink a pirate next time,” he said, picking up his quill again and going back to signing a few papers. “Look, its fine. We all do stupid things when we’re drunk. I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to behave like a like some sort of mix between a toddler and boy-crazed teenager, but it doesn’t change my opinion of you,”

The rogue looked up from her hands and looked at the templar suspiciously. Right, they both shared their fair share of opinions of each other last night.

“You’re still Aerianne Hawke, the biggest nuisance in all of Kirkwall. Think of last night only cementing that fact in,” If it was somehow possible, Hawke somehow managed to look both more annoyed, but also very relieved.

“Your mother, however, is an absolute delight,” he’d be lying if he didn’t miss Feralden at least a little bit, including some of the small comforts. “Hard to believe you’re related,”

“Well, it’s hard to believe that you’re… ugh,” she covered her mouth, clearly trying to keep whatever she ate earlier, down. The retort would have to wait. She slowly stood up and made her way back towards the door.

“You just wait until I’m feeling better, _Rutherford_ ,” she said bitterly with one last glare. “Then you’ll be sorry,”

Cullen quirked a brow and smiled a bit before going back to his paperwork as ran through the door and shut it behind her.

“Always a pleasure, Hawke,”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope this gives you a better feel for my current series. Hopefully I'll get a chapter out for it in the next few weeks. Holidays are coming up, so I'll have more free time (hopefully)!


End file.
